Three Great Couples in Gaming

. . . And Three Couples That Aren't . . . And Three Honorable Mentions, for Good Measure

In honor of today, February 14th, St. Valentine's day, National Hallmark day, I have compiled a list of my three favorite couples in gaming, my favorite three non-couples in gaming, and three influential couples that didn't make the cut, but deserved honorable mentions nonetheless.

[Avast! Here thar be plot spoilers!]

Couples That Just Won't Quit
Mario and Peach: Super Mario Brothers

By now, these two ought to be like the old married couple of gaming---all nagging, no spark. But they are still as lovey-dovey as a couple of school kids, still going strong after twenty-six years. It's the classic story---ordinary plumber makes good, meets nice princess. They always lend each other a helping hand when one or the other gets kidnapped. They play sports together, like tennis, baseball, and soccer---they even race go-karts. They get along well with each other's WAcky family members. They care for a pet Yoshi together. Mario is a good provider---he's plumber and a doctor, you know---and Peach is always a perfect lady; she's never snotty and never lords her royal heritage over her honey's head. These two are the cornerstone of love in gaming. I suspect that years from now we'll all be playing games featuring their grandkids.

Yuri and Alice: Shadow Hearts

The most striking thing about this relationship is that it powered not only one entire game, but it also went on to be the basis of another entire game, even after one of the lovers has perished. The original Shadow Hearts had two endings---in the good ending, Alice and Yuri win the fight, and wake up together on the train. In the other, Yuri wakes from the dreamworld to find Alice peacefully asleep on his shoulder; sadly, having sacrificed her soul to save Yuri in the dream world, she never awakens. When Shadow Hearts Covenant rolls around, we learn that the "bad ending"---the one in which Alice died---was the canon ending. She is replaced by the shapely, red-headed Karen Koenig, who travels the world over at Yuri's side and falls madly in love with him. But Yuri can never stop loving Alice, and the flashback train scenes are some of the most emotional footage I've ever seen in a game. Poor Karen goes home empty-handed. Which, it turns out, is a good thing, since she turns out to be Yuri's---!?!

Squall and Rinoa: Final Fantasy VIII

If you come here. . . . You'll find me. . . . I promise. . . . It was tough to pick just one couple out of the Final Fantasy ether. But when you carefully analyze the storylines of FFVII through XII, I think it becomes apparent that the only real love story in the bunch was Final Fantasy VIII. Final Fantasy VII, IX, and XII are political stories with love in the mix, and X, while it comes close, is really the story of a summoner and her companions trying to save the world. There's not really a whole lot of world saving going on in FFVIII---it's mostly saving Rinoa. Because we need her to save the world (ala Aerith and Yuna)? No---just because we luv her. The entire plot and backstory of the game---think Laguna and Julia and the saccharine "Eyes on Me" theme (am I the only one who still remembers the chorus?)---is all an elaborate setup for Squall and Rinoa to fall in love.

Couples That . . . Aren't
Link and Zelda: The Legend of Zelda

These two have been bumping into each other practically nonstop for more than twenty years now. But, although this fan-favorite pair have spent something like a dozen games together, they're not "together." An interesting item to note about Link and Zelda is that---unlike all the other couples in this list, and unlike most main characters throughout gamingdom---they aren't always the same Link and Zelda from game to game. The Zelda from Ocarina of Time is not the same woman we meet in Twilight Princess. Likewise, the Link you play in Wind Waker isn't the same Link that you play in The Legend of Zelda---although the Link from The Legend of Zelda is the same Link as the one in Zelda II: The Adventure of Link. That lucky Link---from the first two games to be released, which happen to be the last two events in the overarching LoZ timeline---does get the girl at the end. But most of the Links throughout LoZ history don't end up romantically linked with Zelda. As children in Ocarina of Time, they're friends; as adults later in the same game they're companions in battle; in some games---like Majora's Mask---there's no Zelda at all! The fact remains that Link is traditionally a farm boy or a shepherd, and Zelda is the princess of the kingdom he lives in. He respects her and admires her, and protects her at the cost of his life, but he never makes a move on her. She's just out of his league.

Wanda and Mono: Shadow of the Colossus

On its surface, Shadow of the Colossus appears to be a beautiful and poignant love story about a boy who will do anything to bring his true love back from beyond the grave. It is a beautiful story about a boy and his quest to bring the woman back from the dead, but theres a problem---Wanda (the hero) and Mono (the damsel in deathly distress) don't seem to be romantically attached. In fact, Mono doesn't seem to have even known Wanda when she was alive. Why would someone go to such great lengths for the life of a stranger? That's the real mystery here. Is Wanda some kind of crazy stalker? Rather than an undying love, is it an undying sense of responsibility for the maiden's death that drives him? Whatever you make of their relationship, the fact is that in Shadow of the Colossus, there's no love going on between them---they never interact; they're like ships in the night. The real story of love, companionship, and devotion in this game---not to be all Equus---is that of Wanda and his trusty steed, Aggro.

Pac Man and Ms Pac Man: Pac Man

First of all, she's MS Pac Man---not MRS Pac Man. We don't know what the deal is with these two hockey pucks. Are they siblings? Friends? Maybe even THE SAME PERSON?! I like to think they were once married (that's why they have the same name) but now divorced (that's why she's Ms instead of Mrs.). The breakup was probably a result of Pac Man's unbearable feelings of inadequacy when Ms Pac Man proved to be his match in the pellet-eating, ghost-evading battle for marital supremacy.

Honorable Mentions
Lara Croft's Breasts: Tomb Raider

They're always together, inseparable and larger-than-life. Lara Croft's hypermamiferous headlights (headlamps, actually, since she's British) have fueled the popularity of the series through ten games and two films. Thank you, Lara Croft's breasts, for teaching a generation of gamers how to love.

Ash and Pikachu: Pokémon

You'll never find a more devoted, loving pair than Ash Ketchum and his prized Pikachu. So what if one of them is a preadolescent boy and the other one is a football-sized electric mouse? If loving a football-sized electric mouse is wrong, Ash doesn't want to be right.

Nana and Popo: Ice Climber

I'm not sure what's up with these two. They've been retconned as a couple (see Super Smash Bros. Melee), but is it just a diversion? Can we even tell what genders they are beneath those adorable pastel parkas? Are they man and wife? Adam and Steve? Lesbians? All we know for sure is that they club seals together.