Headshot Dreamin'

109:19/18-3 DM Harbor

I'll get back to those figures in a moment, just wanted to write them down while they were in front of me.

For years, my dreams have been invaded by whatever activity I may have been concentrating on most at the time. As an avid gamer, video and otherwise, this often means dreams about games. I can recall the patterns of Mega Man 3 stimulating my rapid eye movement or a book's of worth backgammon positions flashing through my mind as I lay sleeping. This is not uncommon for me.

Part of my interpretation of this effect comes from my background in psych. I'm not going to bore into this issue ad nauseum as not to alienate those uninitiated nor to reveal my own lack of authority on the subject, but please indulge me for a moment. Sleep is important to memory, as anyone who has stayed up for two or three days straight could tell you. Attempting to recall some of the basic things you did at the beginning of the period, such as what you ate for breakfast the morning of day one, are nigh impossible. Science also tells us that a part of the brain called the hippocampus replays activities of the current day while we sleep, and this plays a central role in memory consolidation, or the transfer from working memory into long term memory.

This entire process is not entirely understood by the scientific community, so I feel no great guilt in referencing it without complete detail. The point is that these elements of games are experienced during sleep, much as they are during the day, just as any activity, virtual or not, may be. In some cases this facilitates latent learning.

It is through this lens that I mention that after marathon sessions of Portable Ops Online just before bed, I've had dreams that centrally involve shooting people in the head. Headshots, you see, are the absolute most important skill in the aforementioned arena of electronic competition. Sure, some n00bz will get a kill here or there with a shotgun blast, or a few swipes of a machete, but if you want to dominate in MPO, you better get used to aiming for the head.

Now, back to those cryptic numbers. 109:19/18-3 DM Harbor. My best score ever was 109 in a Deathmatch at the Harbor. 109 total points, 19 kills (18 of which were headshots) and three deaths. A real killing spree. I have to attribute this to having a group of below average players in that round, as even when I do happen to be the best of the six, I don't dominate to such a degree.

Of course, when you mention to people that you've been having dreams about shooting people in the head, they look at you kinda funny. Without a little background it can be unnerving for someone who knows you to hear that your unconscious mind is obsessed with executing anyone that comes into their field of vision. But, in MPO and most any other online shooter, whether it be first-person or third, the headshot is admirable. You see, I don't become angry or upset when a bullet finds its speeding way into my gulliver. If throughout the duration of a ten minute match someone continuously catches me off guard and lands death dealing blows right between my eyes, over and over and over, it becomes something almost fraternal. Like a big brother dishing out noogies. It's similar to a salute in a way. Although, you can perform a salute in MPO, but doing so leaves you momentarily open to a headshot, natch.

Even though I may try to explain these aesthetics to those unfamiliar, I can't help but think they may come away with a negative impression. In retrospect, perhaps I shouldn't mention these kinds of dreams to the people with whom I work. I suppose this is the sort of talk one should reserve for blogging.

Now if you don't mind, I have some heads to shoot.

There's No "L"

I have decided that it is finally time to take the plunge and buy a game for my PS3, which has been functioning basically as a glorified PS2 since I bought it. This arrangement has been just fine with me because, after upgrading the firmware and over HDMI cables, I don't notice any image degradation when playing PS2 games on PS3---in fact, the picture looks better than it does on my PS2, which is connected via composite cable, which, for the uninitiated, is pretty much just a shoelace and a couple of paperclips.

There haven't been any games that have been worth my $60 just yet. My husband almost broke down and bought Sonic the Hedgehog, but I stopped him just in the nick of time. Most of what is out there so far is racing, real sports, or trash. Since I, personally, am not particularly interested in any of those fine genres, I've taken a pass on the offerings thus far. The lack of substance in the current catalog is also the main reason I've found myself interested in Virtua Fighter 5. I wholeheartedly prefer Soul Caliber, and Killa is a Tekken man through and through. Although I don't have any dislike of Virtua Fighter, it is definitely a distant third for me, falling well behind the Namco/Bandai contenders. I would like to take this opportunity to review Virtua Fighter 5, but I can't, because I haven't played it yet.

At this point I should interject that Killa warned me against airing this tirade. "Don't pick on EB Games/Gamestop," he says, "It's too easy, and anyway it's kind of ripping off Penny Arcade."

On Tuesday, misinformed about the street date of VF5, Killa and I went to down to Ye Olde Game Shoppe. Not the closest location, though. In addition to VF5, I wanted to pick up La Pucelle Tactics for my hubby, and an inventory search of their website showed that only a more distant location had this particular used item in stock. Once we arrived, La Pucelle was procured in short order; I then asked for Virtua Fighter 5.

"That's not out 'til tomorrow," I was told. That’s alright. I realized I had my dates mixed up, or read the website wrong, but it was no biggie. The real prize, La Pucelle, was in hand. Then, the clerk added, "Did you preorder it?" I said I had not.

"Mmmm. Then you won’t be able to get it," chimed in the manager.

"What? Why?" I asked.

"Because it’s going to be sold out," she said.

"Sold out here, you mean?"

"No. . . . everywhere. Nobody is going to have this game. Trust me," she said, with the same sort of ominous tone that is usually reserved for warning one about the dangers of blu-ray lasers. I found that very hard to believe, since Best Buy and the other "big box" retailers usually have scads of these games on hand when they come out---scads, that is, that haven’t already been presold.

"Why don’t you preorder it now?" offered the clerk. "It's just five dollars down and you can come pick it up tomorrow." Now, remember, I’m at the location that is not nearest to my home. That’s part of the reason I don’t preorder to begin with---it necessitates two trips to the store, whereas I really feel that one trip should be sufficient to, you know, buy the thing I came in for. Before I could answer, the manager piped up as well:

"They only send me as many copies as I've presold, plus maybe one extra copy, so if you don’t preorder it, I won’t have one for you." At this, I became incensed. Since the game was to come out the next day, it must have already been shipped. So all the copies she was going to receive were already in the store, or on the way. Yet, they were still trying to take my preorder money on something I was just told would not be available for me the next day.

"So what you’re telling me," I reasoned aloud, "Is that I should not come here tomorrow to try to buy this game?"

"Right."

"In fact, I should never come to your store to buy a new game, unless I've preordered it?"

"Right." And that was all I needed to hear.

The cardinal rule of sales is the ABC rule, to always be closing. I would add a prerequisite to that: For brick-and-mortar retail stores, before you can even begin to close, you have to have the customer in your store; that is, physically in your presence. If the customer is in your store, then you can sell her something. Or at least try to. If the customer is not in your store, then your opportunity for sales is totally null. Telling the customer not to come to your store is the opposite of everything you are endeavoring to do by running a store that sells items.

Although, in fact, this store seems not to sell items.

I understand this phenomenon of scarcity. In the electronic game industry, unsold stock is a huge liability. Price cuts happen all the time, and unsold stock can't be returned to its manufacturer. Moreover, there is no accurate advance predictor of how well a given game will sell. In the movie industry, one can analyze the box office grosses to estimate how many DVDs are going to sell, but there's no such preview for games. It only makes sense for EB Games/Gamestop to stock only as many copies of a game as they are guaranteed to sell. The difficulty in buying a new game on release day from this store is not at issue.

The issue is this: When I do preorder a game, even if I pay in full for it up front at the time of the order, I must pick the game up within 48 hours of its release date, lest it be sold to someone else. Now, in my experience, when I have paid for something in full, it is mine and belongs to me, but the policies at this establishment disagree, which makes me uneasy. In addition---the primary reason that I do not preorder games---I frequently change my mind and my plans. I don’t want to have to drive to Shelbyville to pick up my game when I'm hanging out in Springfield all day. Or if I happen to be at a mall in Capitol City, it’s easier for me to pick the game up there rather than making a stop back in Springfield after my shopping spree.

I left with La Pucelle and a heavy heart, but this tale has a happy ending. On my way home from work this afternoon I stopped by the Gamestop that is nearest to my home. I strolled in and enquired as to whether there might be a copy of Virtua Fighter 5 on hand that I could readily purchase. The clerk looked at me like I had three heads---but only briefly, before handing me my game.

"I didn't preorder this," I said, "Is it really OK for me to buy? I heard this was going to be sold out everywhere?"

The clerk only snorted, and asked "Who told you that?"

Bid Me Discourse, I Will Enchant Thine . . . Arm?

(One Step Forward, Two Steps Back)

The crux of the issue is that I really want to know the street date for Enchanted Arms for the PS3, but I’m afraid to ask. The two main reasons (for my fear) are: First, that I don’t want to hear any PS3 jokes; and, second, neither do I want to hear any Enchanted Arms jokes. I’m a fan of JRPGs, so when reviews arise that advise against purchasing a game based on the fact that the game in question---itself in fact a JRPG---exhibits characteristics suspiciously like those found in a---wait for it!---JRPG, I may somehow not be warned off buying it. But I don’t fancy getting into this conversation with the clerk at EBStop, so I am loathe to call them up and enquire about the street date. Wikipedia says March 13. Gamestop.com says March 27. Ubisoft is only confirming March, 2007. I averaged the two street dates and came up with March 20, which is good enough for the moment.

The street date for Enchanted Arms isn’t really the crux of the issue, however. That was all just a clever ruse. Apparently the game is a piece---I still want to/intend to give it a try, but, to be fair, I hear it’s really terrible. I checked out some comments on the web from players of the previously released X-Box 360 version, and I must say there was an almost palpable sense of displeasure wafting up from the forums. Complaints cover the whole spectrum: People just don’t like the gameplay; the graphics aren’t very good for "next gen"; the voice acting is terrible; the plot is lame; the encounter rate is uneven and generally engineered badly; the battle mechanics are troublesome; the list goes on, and on, and on.

What I did not find on the list was any complaint about the fact that one of the main party characters in Enchanted Arms, Makoto, is a flamboyant transvestite and homosexual. In a demographic primarily populated by males aged 14 to 35 (my approximation), and specifically by the subgroup (X-Box 360 owners) that enjoys games based on shooting every living thing that isn’t from the same country/planet as them, I was pleasantly surprised to find such a complete and utter lack of bigotry in terms of this game.

Congratulations, gaming industry, for your sensitivity! Kudos to you, Ubisoft, for your inclusive sexual politics! I think we should all be very proud of ourselves. Although gaming is often maligned as a catalyst for violence and a hotbed of unfortunate stereotypes, you must admit that the industry has a long and illustrious history of tolerance for transvestism in its products.

Perhaps the most famous and most inspiring instance is Princess Zelda’s male alter ego, Sheik, from The Ocarina of Time. After narrowly escaping Ganondorf’s clutches as a young child, Zelda spends the next seven years, while Link is frozen in the Temple of Time, studying the arts of war under her tutor and bodyguard, Impa. She then returns to Hyrule disguised as (or magically transformed into?) a man in order to aid Link in the battle against Ganondorf and his evil influence. A major theme of The Legend of Zelda series is that of disguising and/or discovering one’s true nature. Even as The Ocarina of Time begins, Link learns that he is actually a Hylian after having been raised as a Kokiri for his whole life. So it is, too, with Zelda, one of the most archetypically feminine characters in the entire genre, who must discover her untapped potential as a warrior in order to save her kingdom after having been raised as a pampered princess for her whole life.

This is one of the oldest plot devices in the history of the book: In order to accomplish her goal, a woman must disguise herself as a man. We don't even bat an eye at this, because we all know that the heroine won't be able to accomplish anything if everyone knows she's a woman. Eventually, inevitably, her hair and breasts will come tumbling out of their hiding places and the male lead will fall in love on the spot, ending the lady's cross-dressing career forever. Shakespeare did it. Tolkien, too. Even Disney has tapped this one without raising any eyebrows.

For some reason, though, it's a completely different story when it's a man dressing as a woman.

As early as 1988, when Nintendo rolled out Super Mario Bros. 2 (arguably one of the weirdest games of all time), they were already on the path to equal representation for sexual minorities. One of the first boss fights was versus Birdo, a pink dinosaur-bird-thing that hopped around like mad and spat eggs at you. The instruction manual had this to say of him: "He thinks he is a girl and he spits eggs from his mouth. He'd rather be called 'Birdetta.'" Later documentation insists that Birdo has always been a girl.

This backpedaling would be distasteful enough if Nintendo were trying to conceal a cross-dresser in the otherwise irreproachable Super Mario Brothers family, but the truth is actually worse. Although at the time---I was seven?---I didn't find anything particularly strange or funny about Birdo, I now suspect that s/he was intended to be a joke---ala, that guy who wants so badly to be a woman that he's quite literally got eggs spewing out of him. In order to defeat Birdo, the player is tasked with catching the eggs in midair and hurling them back at Birdo until s/he is knocked unconscious, dropping the key to the next level. (I don't think that metaphor needs any explanation.)

Which brings me back to the case of Enchanted Arms, in a sort of roundabout way. What I mean to point out is that it’s hardly revolutionary to feature a transvestite in a video game. (Much more revolutionary is that Makoto is also gay, which doesn’t seem to have been the case with Sheik, or even at issue with Birdo.) Ubisoft, you don't score any points for being on the cutting edge of youth subculture. It's been done before. What would have scored some points, and been truly revolutionary, would have been to include a transvestite or homosexual character who isn't a running joke, as Makoto appears to be. From Ubisoft's website:

Atsuma and Toya's classmate at Enchant University. Atsuma and Toya are his best friends. Makoto is openly gay and his friends like to call him the "yellow otomegokoro."* He is blindly in love with Toya and centers all of his actions and thoughts around Toya. Makoto has a confrontational attitude with Atsuma because he is jealous of Atsuma and Toya's close friendship.

* According to this dictionary, "otomegokoro" seems to translate to "girl's feeling, maiden's mind."

I was proud to see people in the gaming community refraining from making fun of this character, even when Ubisoft appears to have set him up as comic relief, in favor of making fun of more concrete aspects of the game, like the gameplay. Ubisoft's brief description of him defines him only in terms of his relationship to his "best friends," Toya and Atsuma, who call him names. I wonder if they also throw eggs at him? I'll have to play the game for myself to really assess the situation, but you have to admit, on the surface at least, it looks pretty bad.

Therefore, in conclusion: If you know the street date for Enchanted Arms PS3, can you please leave a message in the comments? kthxbye

Are They or Aren't They?

Here's my little couples in gaming response, coming hot on the heels of (read: ripping off) Catarina's Three Great Couples post. However, this supplement is going to focus on three of the more ambiguous relationships in games.

Jun Kazama and Kazuya Mishima

Well, we know they had sex; their son Jin is a testament to that. So some of the ambiguity goes out the window there. (Yeah, great choice, Killa.) The actual nature of their relationship is hard to pin down, though. The Tekken anime depicts their connection in great detail, using it as a central part of the storyline.

The anime, though, is not considered canon, and, unlike cinema, fighting game storylines are rarely so simple. What we do know from the games themselves is that Jun Kazama entered the the second King of Iron Fist tournament to stop Kazuya Mishima's illegal trade of endangered animals. When she encountered him, being the Chosen Kazama, she could sense that his supernatural power came from his deal with Devil. So... she hooked up with him. (Okay, you kind of lost me there, Namco.) Devil would later try to possess her unborn child, but she defeated him, and kept Jin safe by relocating to some remote mountains. And that is virtually all we know of Jun and Kazuya's temporary union. But, hell, it really is the closest thing to a coupling in Tekken, besides Xiaoyu's crush on Jin. Or Kuma's crush on Panda.

Naked Snake and the Boss



Perhaps the most perplexing couple in modern gaming is The Boss and Naked Snake, as shown in MGS3. Having her own son taken from her moments after giving birth, The Boss developed a maternal attachment to Naked Snake, or Jack, as she would call him. Snake denies to Eva in dialogue that there was a sexual component to their relationship, but speculation still runs rampant among Metal Gear fans. Having been comrades for ten years it is problematic for Snake to be charged with hunting her down and killing her as part of Operation Snake Eater. On an emotional level, personally, killing her may have been the hardest part of any videogame I've played. That defining moment would create a chain reaction guiding the events in Naked Snake's, and in turn Solid Snake's life.

Cammy and Vega

Master Vega, the leader of the Shadaloo crime syndicate, claims at one point that Cammy is a clone of him. This most likely is untrue. It is much more plausible, given other evidence, that she was kidnapped and subjected to gene therapy to make her more like Vega, as the original plan was to use her as his next body should his Psycho Power overwhelm his current manifestation. She was also brainwashed, enhanced with experimental drugs, and trained to be the assassin codenamed Killer Bee. In Cammy's ending from Street Fighter Zero 3 (her first canonically chronological appearance) she defeats Vega, destroying his body, and he utters the phrase, "How could I lose to a copy of myself...?" He then begins to invade her mind, until Chun Li intervenes.

Skip ahead to the Street Fighter II timeline. Cammy is an amnesiac agent of the British special forces unit Delta Red. Upon defeating Vega, he tells her, "How could you forget about me, Cammy? [...] We were in love!" Expectedly, she has a hard time believing this.

And then there's her win quote from the non-canonical X-Men Vs. Street Fighter...

Three Great Couples in Gaming

. . . And Three Couples That Aren't . . . And Three Honorable Mentions, for Good Measure

In honor of today, February 14th, St. Valentine's day, National Hallmark day, I have compiled a list of my three favorite couples in gaming, my favorite three non-couples in gaming, and three influential couples that didn't make the cut, but deserved honorable mentions nonetheless.

[Avast! Here thar be plot spoilers!]

Couples That Just Won't Quit
Mario and Peach: Super Mario Brothers

By now, these two ought to be like the old married couple of gaming---all nagging, no spark. But they are still as lovey-dovey as a couple of school kids, still going strong after twenty-six years. It's the classic story---ordinary plumber makes good, meets nice princess. They always lend each other a helping hand when one or the other gets kidnapped. They play sports together, like tennis, baseball, and soccer---they even race go-karts. They get along well with each other's WAcky family members. They care for a pet Yoshi together. Mario is a good provider---he's plumber and a doctor, you know---and Peach is always a perfect lady; she's never snotty and never lords her royal heritage over her honey's head. These two are the cornerstone of love in gaming. I suspect that years from now we'll all be playing games featuring their grandkids.

Yuri and Alice: Shadow Hearts

The most striking thing about this relationship is that it powered not only one entire game, but it also went on to be the basis of another entire game, even after one of the lovers has perished. The original Shadow Hearts had two endings---in the good ending, Alice and Yuri win the fight, and wake up together on the train. In the other, Yuri wakes from the dreamworld to find Alice peacefully asleep on his shoulder; sadly, having sacrificed her soul to save Yuri in the dream world, she never awakens. When Shadow Hearts Covenant rolls around, we learn that the "bad ending"---the one in which Alice died---was the canon ending. She is replaced by the shapely, red-headed Karen Koenig, who travels the world over at Yuri's side and falls madly in love with him. But Yuri can never stop loving Alice, and the flashback train scenes are some of the most emotional footage I've ever seen in a game. Poor Karen goes home empty-handed. Which, it turns out, is a good thing, since she turns out to be Yuri's---!?!

Squall and Rinoa: Final Fantasy VIII

If you come here. . . . You'll find me. . . . I promise. . . . It was tough to pick just one couple out of the Final Fantasy ether. But when you carefully analyze the storylines of FFVII through XII, I think it becomes apparent that the only real love story in the bunch was Final Fantasy VIII. Final Fantasy VII, IX, and XII are political stories with love in the mix, and X, while it comes close, is really the story of a summoner and her companions trying to save the world. There's not really a whole lot of world saving going on in FFVIII---it's mostly saving Rinoa. Because we need her to save the world (ala Aerith and Yuna)? No---just because we luv her. The entire plot and backstory of the game---think Laguna and Julia and the saccharine "Eyes on Me" theme (am I the only one who still remembers the chorus?)---is all an elaborate setup for Squall and Rinoa to fall in love.

Couples That . . . Aren't
Link and Zelda: The Legend of Zelda

These two have been bumping into each other practically nonstop for more than twenty years now. But, although this fan-favorite pair have spent something like a dozen games together, they're not "together." An interesting item to note about Link and Zelda is that---unlike all the other couples in this list, and unlike most main characters throughout gamingdom---they aren't always the same Link and Zelda from game to game. The Zelda from Ocarina of Time is not the same woman we meet in Twilight Princess. Likewise, the Link you play in Wind Waker isn't the same Link that you play in The Legend of Zelda---although the Link from The Legend of Zelda is the same Link as the one in Zelda II: The Adventure of Link. That lucky Link---from the first two games to be released, which happen to be the last two events in the overarching LoZ timeline---does get the girl at the end. But most of the Links throughout LoZ history don't end up romantically linked with Zelda. As children in Ocarina of Time, they're friends; as adults later in the same game they're companions in battle; in some games---like Majora's Mask---there's no Zelda at all! The fact remains that Link is traditionally a farm boy or a shepherd, and Zelda is the princess of the kingdom he lives in. He respects her and admires her, and protects her at the cost of his life, but he never makes a move on her. She's just out of his league.

Wanda and Mono: Shadow of the Colossus

On its surface, Shadow of the Colossus appears to be a beautiful and poignant love story about a boy who will do anything to bring his true love back from beyond the grave. It is a beautiful story about a boy and his quest to bring the woman back from the dead, but theres a problem---Wanda (the hero) and Mono (the damsel in deathly distress) don't seem to be romantically attached. In fact, Mono doesn't seem to have even known Wanda when she was alive. Why would someone go to such great lengths for the life of a stranger? That's the real mystery here. Is Wanda some kind of crazy stalker? Rather than an undying love, is it an undying sense of responsibility for the maiden's death that drives him? Whatever you make of their relationship, the fact is that in Shadow of the Colossus, there's no love going on between them---they never interact; they're like ships in the night. The real story of love, companionship, and devotion in this game---not to be all Equus---is that of Wanda and his trusty steed, Aggro.

Pac Man and Ms Pac Man: Pac Man

First of all, she's MS Pac Man---not MRS Pac Man. We don't know what the deal is with these two hockey pucks. Are they siblings? Friends? Maybe even THE SAME PERSON?! I like to think they were once married (that's why they have the same name) but now divorced (that's why she's Ms instead of Mrs.). The breakup was probably a result of Pac Man's unbearable feelings of inadequacy when Ms Pac Man proved to be his match in the pellet-eating, ghost-evading battle for marital supremacy.

Honorable Mentions
Lara Croft's Breasts: Tomb Raider

They're always together, inseparable and larger-than-life. Lara Croft's hypermamiferous headlights (headlamps, actually, since she's British) have fueled the popularity of the series through ten games and two films. Thank you, Lara Croft's breasts, for teaching a generation of gamers how to love.

Ash and Pikachu: Pokémon

You'll never find a more devoted, loving pair than Ash Ketchum and his prized Pikachu. So what if one of them is a preadolescent boy and the other one is a football-sized electric mouse? If loving a football-sized electric mouse is wrong, Ash doesn't want to be right.

Nana and Popo: Ice Climber

I'm not sure what's up with these two. They've been retconned as a couple (see Super Smash Bros. Melee), but is it just a diversion? Can we even tell what genders they are beneath those adorable pastel parkas? Are they man and wife? Adam and Steve? Lesbians? All we know for sure is that they club seals together.

{Shin Bill Cosby} Wiki Vandalism

Oooh, ooh, my turn! Some Wiki Vandalism I ran across while researching my Old Timer's post.

"While Akuma sought to master the life-threatening Shun Goku Satsu technique, he eventually increased his strength by embracing the principle of Jello Pudding Satsui no Hadou (The Surge of the Intent to Murder/Murderous Intent)."

Thinking Outside the Box

Catherine’s Blog, Supplemental

In lieu of posting some completely inane musing, as I usually do, I have something kind of useful for once. And for my friends who stop by this blog out of kindness, and not out of any particular love of, or even interest in, gaming, maybe this will be interesting for them, since it applies to movies and music as well as games.

Do not come to expect this diversity from my writing! This could be a fatal mistake!

Gaming is not a cheap hobby, but I try to make it as cheap as possible by buying used whenever I can. E-Bay and Gamestop are premium outlets for keeping costs down. Gamestop is ideal for anything from the current or previous generation of consoles (e.g., Wii, PS3, X-Box 360, GCN, PS2, and X-Box games). A little googling can usually turn up Gamestop coupon codes for 15% off used games or free shipping for even more savings. For older titles or rare titles, E-Bay is good. No matter how old or obscure a game is, someone, somewhere, is probably trying to unload it. Amazon.com's Z-Shops are even a little preferable, for me, for this purpose, since you can load up on games from different sellers and then pay all at once with a credit card. However, Amazon.com can't match E-Bay's selection.

In any CASE, a little sleuthing can save a gamer big bucks over time if he or she consistently seeks out savings by buying used whenever feasible. There is, however, one big drawback to buying used. Specifically, that used games don't always come in their original case.

I, for one, am slightly neurotic about the boxes that my games and movies are in. I don't like games that originally came in a DVD-size keep case to be stored in a jewel case, or vice versa. And I especially hate the little cardboard or paper sleeve that they sometimes come in---sometimes even when they are new (Wii Sports, I mean you)! Maybe others are less concerned about this aesthetic than me; but I really want to see my games, CDs, and movies lined up, spines out, in uniform packaging with appropriate spine art on display. And when a guest is perusing my library, I want them to be able to read the package description of a movie or game, should they so desire.

In practical terms, I recently ordered Tales of Symphonia for the GCN, used, and it arrived in a DVD keep case with no box art. In searching for a remedy, a little research turned up this gem of a site: CDCovers.cc.

This website hosts a huge archive of cover art for various media including VHS, DVD, video games of several varieties, and CDs. You can search by title or browse by section and download any artwork you're missing, adjust the size, and then print it out, trim it down, and place it inside the sleeve of any keep case or jewel case. Many of the titles also have artwork for the inset as well.

I find that for a DVD or anything DVD-size, you'll want to open the artwork up in Photoshop (or whatever image editor you use) and set the height of the image to 184.15 millimeters and the PPI to 300 (ideal for printing). If you're printing the whole spread, you won't be able to print the entire thing on one 8.5 x 11 sheet of paper; I split the image into two overlapping images and printed both, and then taped them together from behind before trimming them down. On a related note, I also found a great thread at VGBoxArt that has several downloadable Photoshop templates for various game boxes (e.g., the GCN box, the PS2 box, etc.).

A Narrow Fellow in the Grass

As long as we're on the topic of Solid Snake. I have to say, I couldn't be happier that there's a new Smash Brothers game coming out. Nothing makes me happier than playing Super Smash Brothers, for hours, with three other players, no teams, every man for himself. I don't think there's ever been a single game that has provided me with as many hours of enjoyment (and that includes Disgaea and FFVII). Seriously, I could not be happier about the new addition to the Super Smash Brothers family.

Actually, there's one way I could be happier.

Let's look at it logically. All of the loveable characters in Super Smash Brothers franchise have been first party Nintendo properties. Each made their first appearance on a Nintendo console with the exception of the Ice Climbers---who first appeared in one of NintendWo's VS. series arcade games---and Mr. Game and Watch---who first appeared in Nintendo's early hand-held. Next, all of the characters hail from games with a sci/fi or fantasy bent. None of them comes from games that involve blood, murder, or realistic violence against humans.

I think you can see what I'm getting at.

There were so many better choices for a third-party inclusion in this, the best of all possible game series. Solid Snake is a bad fit on all accounts. He is not owned by Nintendo. He did not originate on a Nintendo console (his first game was a MSX2 title, later ported to the NES). The game he comes from is full of realistic violence. And, moreover, the aerobatic tricks and feats that are the hallmark of the SSB series---jumping and flying around the screen, sending opponents soaring through the air with attacks, etc.---are completely antithetical to the hyperrealistic environment of the Metal Gear series.

To wit: Will he come equipped with the dirty magazine item for distracting the other fighters? Will Princess Peach and Princess Zelda be immune to its paralyzing effects? What about Ness? He's just a kid---that sort of thing is completely inappropriate for someone his age. Maybe the dirty magazine item could be unusable while Ness is in play. And would its distracting effect work on the Pokémon characters? If an Ekans or an Arbok pops out of a Pokéball, will Snake be able to eat it on screen for sustensance?

If Konami really felt strongly about including one of their franchise characters in a Super Smash Brothers game, I think that Simon Belmont from the Castlevania series would have been a better choice. The whip mechanic is already there (Zero-Suit Samus); Simon's classic throwing daggers could easily be adapted from existing projectile mechanics (Zelda/Sheik); and moreover, the fantasy-style violence of the Castlevania series is on a par with that of the Legend of Zelda series.

Konami aside, there is a myriad of more appropriate characters that could have been included. What about Sonic the Hedgehog, Mega Man, or Ryu Hayabusa (from the Ninja Gaiden series)? Mega Man would be one of the easiest to include---a passable Mega Man could be created as a clone of Samus Aran. The mechanics are already in place to include a robot, a ninja, and a roly-poly, cartoony animal.

Maybe that's why someone like Snake---someone entirely new and different---was desired. Or maybe it's because Solid Snake appeals to a different crowd---a crowd that might be persuaded to give SSBB a try if they see that it has a more grown-up selection of characters. In any case, I think it's a bad choice for the game, although it's probably a good choice for the bottom line. I'm thinking of declaring a preemptive house moritorium on playing as Snake; I just keep imagining my choice character jumping around the screen, looking for someone to smash, finding nothing but cardboard boxes arrayed on the ground. The future seems bleak indeed.

Gamers Don't Have an Old Timer's Day

It can be hard for a gamer to think about aging. Most gamers are young. Characters in videogames are usually young. The player character is usually a strong, young man. Typically, in games, the more times you do something, the easier it becomes. Either your character becomes stronger as you progress, like levels in an RPG, or the player's experience of a scenario makes it easier the next time, like in a platformer or a racing game. The idea that with time one can become weaker, and less able to cope with challenges, is a frightening thought.

I remember Final Fantasy IV very fondly, as it was the second game of the series that I played. In fact, the SNES cartridge I had did indeed say "Final Fantasy II" but this was merely to prevent the οἱ πολλοί from knowing what they were missing.

Even as a youth I was steadfast in my good RPG habits, which primarily are (1) save, save every chance you get, and (2) when in doubt, level up. Whenever, wherever, just fight random encounters to build yourself up a bit. Well, I luckily didn't fall into a pitfall that was likely to ensnare anyone who follows these tenets blindly. You see, in the Water Cavern, you gain the once great sage Tellah of Mysidia. And as Tellah gains levels, his stats go down, to indicate his advanced age and frailty. If one first leveled "up" for an extended period, and then saved, one would be stuck with an extremely vulnerable sage.

Not only does he become weaker with every battle, in the original version he had a command called Recall, which would allow him to randomly remember one of the powerful spells he once knew. So not only is his body withering with age, his once great magic prowess is now hindered by his failing memory. As a young gamer in the earlier 90's, this struck me as a very interesting mechanic; immediately unfamiliar due to my internalization of the concept that leveling up made characters stronger.

Skip ahead about half a decade to 1996. Capcom was refining the formula of its popular Street Fighter Zero/Alpha to quickly produce a sequel. They had reincarnated Birdie and Adon from the original Street Fighter into the interquel series, and to expand the roster for SFZ2 they again drew from their back catalog of fighters. After his stint as a Chinese assassin in the mediocre original, Gen returned to action in the Zero series after learning that he was dying from leukemia. He sought a worthy opponent, and came across Gouki/Akuma, the master of the Satsui no Hadou. Although it is not entirely clear, one would have to postulate that Gen was finished off since it was a fight to the death, and Gouki was later seen chronologically killing Vega/M. Bison's second body in Street Fighter II Turbo. Although, with fighting games, you never know what's canon, right? Regardless of the timeline, Gen did manage to make a large contribution to the next generation. He is responsible for training the young relatives of his Street Fighter (I) countryman Lee. Of course, I speak of Yun and Yang Lee of Street Fighter III. In particular, Yang's Mantis style is very similar to some of Gen's techniques.

Fatally afflicted, yes, but Gen is still a treacherous challenge in Zero 2 and 3. His ability to switch between his Sou-ryuu and Ki-ryuu styles mid-match makes his moveset formidable. He is remarkably quick and agile for being old and terminally ill, and for this reason doesn't really give the sense of mortality one gets from Tellah's predicament.

But with nothing to lose, Gen faces the deadliest opponent of the Zero series, and dies the way he wished, in battle with a worthy adversary.

Skip ahead to the new millenium, and please take into consideration the character EGM called the fourth greatest boss of all time.

Let me linger in this world just a little longer... I have already slept enough for one lifetime... enough for an eternity...

These words echo through the dense woodland of Sokrovenno, signaling the dawn of one of the toughest challenges the Metal Gear series will ever dish out. Personally, I have an attachment to The End and I can say without hesitation that he is my favorite boss fight. Ever. I believe my first successful attempt took about forty minutes. Even on my Foxhound run it took me almost twenty. And if you're having a really hard time, just keep trying. If you haven't beaten him in two weeks, he will just die of old age. Of course, you could save, and advance your PS2's internal clock a fortnight. Or you could just snipe him in his wheelchair immediately following an earlier cutscene. If you're a cheap fucking coward.

Like the rest of the Cobra Unit, The End is codenamed after the emotion he carries with him into battle, in this case the desire to continue to exist. He is over one hundred years old during the events of Snake Eater, and doesn't have any interest in killing Snake. The Ancient Sniper merely wants to test his ability, and to try once more to do what he does best, to hunt his prey.

Hideo Kojima seems to be revisiting similar themes again in MGS4, wherein Solid Snake is suffering from advanced aging. Preview trailers show this new Old Snake apparently commiting suicide, and there is speculation that his health and stamina may steadily decrease throughout the game, not unlike our first example. Of course, this is merely assumptions made about a Kojima game, which means absolutely nothing, as Hideo loves to shock his audience with unexpected twists.

So from this, what should a gamer learn about aging? About sickness and mortality? I think that in continuing, and finding extra lives, and dodging bullets and Bullet Bills, one forgets that no amount of skill or effort can allow one to evade the inevitable; That there is no eternal life code; And that nothing lasts forever.