A Narrow Fellow in the Grass

As long as we're on the topic of Solid Snake. I have to say, I couldn't be happier that there's a new Smash Brothers game coming out. Nothing makes me happier than playing Super Smash Brothers, for hours, with three other players, no teams, every man for himself. I don't think there's ever been a single game that has provided me with as many hours of enjoyment (and that includes Disgaea and FFVII). Seriously, I could not be happier about the new addition to the Super Smash Brothers family.

Actually, there's one way I could be happier.

Let's look at it logically. All of the loveable characters in Super Smash Brothers franchise have been first party Nintendo properties. Each made their first appearance on a Nintendo console with the exception of the Ice Climbers---who first appeared in one of NintendWo's VS. series arcade games---and Mr. Game and Watch---who first appeared in Nintendo's early hand-held. Next, all of the characters hail from games with a sci/fi or fantasy bent. None of them comes from games that involve blood, murder, or realistic violence against humans.

I think you can see what I'm getting at.

There were so many better choices for a third-party inclusion in this, the best of all possible game series. Solid Snake is a bad fit on all accounts. He is not owned by Nintendo. He did not originate on a Nintendo console (his first game was a MSX2 title, later ported to the NES). The game he comes from is full of realistic violence. And, moreover, the aerobatic tricks and feats that are the hallmark of the SSB series---jumping and flying around the screen, sending opponents soaring through the air with attacks, etc.---are completely antithetical to the hyperrealistic environment of the Metal Gear series.

To wit: Will he come equipped with the dirty magazine item for distracting the other fighters? Will Princess Peach and Princess Zelda be immune to its paralyzing effects? What about Ness? He's just a kid---that sort of thing is completely inappropriate for someone his age. Maybe the dirty magazine item could be unusable while Ness is in play. And would its distracting effect work on the Pokémon characters? If an Ekans or an Arbok pops out of a Pokéball, will Snake be able to eat it on screen for sustensance?

If Konami really felt strongly about including one of their franchise characters in a Super Smash Brothers game, I think that Simon Belmont from the Castlevania series would have been a better choice. The whip mechanic is already there (Zero-Suit Samus); Simon's classic throwing daggers could easily be adapted from existing projectile mechanics (Zelda/Sheik); and moreover, the fantasy-style violence of the Castlevania series is on a par with that of the Legend of Zelda series.

Konami aside, there is a myriad of more appropriate characters that could have been included. What about Sonic the Hedgehog, Mega Man, or Ryu Hayabusa (from the Ninja Gaiden series)? Mega Man would be one of the easiest to include---a passable Mega Man could be created as a clone of Samus Aran. The mechanics are already in place to include a robot, a ninja, and a roly-poly, cartoony animal.

Maybe that's why someone like Snake---someone entirely new and different---was desired. Or maybe it's because Solid Snake appeals to a different crowd---a crowd that might be persuaded to give SSBB a try if they see that it has a more grown-up selection of characters. In any case, I think it's a bad choice for the game, although it's probably a good choice for the bottom line. I'm thinking of declaring a preemptive house moritorium on playing as Snake; I just keep imagining my choice character jumping around the screen, looking for someone to smash, finding nothing but cardboard boxes arrayed on the ground. The future seems bleak indeed.