Happy Hour

I haven't had a chance to fire up either my Wii or my PS2 for the last couple of days, because November 27 marked my return to working life after a long absence (hubby and I had been enjoying the good life since November 16). Being back at work returns me to the presence of my coworkers who, as well as I get along with them and they with me, are mostly non-gamers. They have, however, shared in my joy at getting a Wii at 00:01 A.M on launch day---in fact, more than a few coworkers were surprised that I was able to get this coveted toy, and I may have earned some cool points by having the latest gadget in time for the X-Mas season.

Tonight, a former coworker was visiting the area, so my work gang gathered at our local DuClaw for a drink and some revelry. Three beers later found found me sitting at a table with my next-door-cubemate and our boss, explaining my lifelong fear of fish via an explanation of colossus number 7---codename Hydrus, the electric eel---from Shadow of the Colossus. I don't think they understood what I was getting at, but the experience brought me to an overwhelming question: How do you explain the appeal of a video game that good to the uninitiated?

It's no easy feat, obviously. Specifically, trying to explain a concept already as radical and groundbreaking as SotC to people who didn't even realize that Mario had gone 64-bit. I think in my inebriated state I managed to say "You play as this little guy---I mean this normal sized guy---who has to kill these giant [here I flailed my arms out wildly, possibly knocking over someone's drink] monsters by climbing up them and stabbing them [mimes stabbing motion with an imaginary sword, knocking over more drinks] in their glowing magical weakpoints. It's revolutionary. . . . Man!"

If I had the chance again---to explain SotC to an uninitiated but interested third party---what would I say?

It's the story of an ordinary boy, so consumed by guilt and love, that he has traveled to the ends of the earth to resurrect the object of his affection at any price. And the price is terrible. Sixteen majestic monsters---sky-scraper-sized on the screen---each a vastly complex puzzle in its own right, must be felled in order to return this girl from her undeserved grave. The game mechanics are revolutionary but that's not a point that my colleagues care about. They haven't seen a video game since their princess was in another castle.

The most magnificent aspect of Shadow of the Colossus is the ambiguous morality that it occupies. The hero, Wander, will stop at nothing to undo the wrongdoing that has caused Mono's untimely death (a death which, evidence indicates to me, probably occured at his own hand), and never stops to think whether what he is doing is right or wrong. The spirit Dormin warns Wander that the price will be great, but how great is it? At the end of the game, has Wander felled sixteen terrible creatures and undone a terrible wrong at the cost of his own life? Or has he slain sixteen innocent creatures that were set upon protecting the world from the release of a terrible evil with the power to reverse even death. . . .

This is the sort of moral quandary that I know would appeal to my colleagues if they could get past the circle-triangle-square-X mechanics of it. I'm afraid I botched it. . . . I see many gamer geek jokes in my future at work.

In closing, a short haiku on Shadow of the Colossus:

Sixteen stone giants.
A boy, a horse, a dead girl.
"Don't fall off, Fucktard."

Scarcitii

As it was alluded to in the last mobile posting, I have not yet secured myself a Wiimote nor a nunchuk attachment. Poptart was kind enough to give me a black and gray texturized cover, but for now it merely is something for me to wave as proof of my alleged commitment to the console. Hopefully soon I can join the eliit club of owners, but for now I will bide my time and try to wait patiently for the next shipment.

Bad for me, but hella good sign for Nintendo. I don't have any official numbers, but their hardware attach rate, which for typical launches isn't the hot topic, must be through the roof. In the case of my cadre and I, we're chomping at the bit to tear into Marvel Ultimate Alliance. Retail price of the game aside, the Wii goes for the reasonable $250. Add to the that the cost of three more 'motes and three 'chuks. [sounds of numbers crunching] $420. And that's before a classic controller, and some Wii points... Well what do you know? Looks like Mario is starting to pull in plumber money.

And Then, There Were Twelve

These years of our lord 2006 and 2007 are proving to be a really great time for my favorite game franchises. I've talked Twilight Princess to death the last few days because it's really all I've been playing. In fact, my household is actually playing in shifts---id est, Gabe plays while I blog and I then play while he sleeps, ad infinitum. Even now, I can hear sword slashes and monkey howls wafting up the steps. The dog, somehow, remains nonchalant.

But that's not all the gaming goodness going on in our casa these days. As giddy as gamers get over Zelda, there are other hallmarks of gaming fame that get get our airship motors running---chief among them the macrocosmic Final Fantasy series, with its thirteen titular installments, two movies, countless spin-offs (including Tactics, Dirge of Cerberus, and Crystal Chronicles), and appearances in other games such as the fighter Ergheiz and the blockbuster Kingdom Hearts series. (In comparison, the Legend of Zelda series has thirteen titles, plus appearances in the Super Smash Brothers series, and an ill-fated cartoon that I think we'd all best forget.)

Most gamers---at least, any gamers who are even remotely familiar with the RPG genre---count the brutal and totally unexpected death of Aeris Gainsborough among the most definitive moments in gaming history (right up there with Samus Aran's gender-bending striptease back in 1987). And if you can think way back with me, back to 1990, maybe you can remember another defining moment in gaming: when you rescued Princess Sara of Corneria but instead of winning the game, the title screen rolled down to let you know that the game was actually just starting. For most of us, I think it's fair to say that installments VII and X (and, by association, X-2) have made an indelible impression on our collective gaming consciousness.

Final Fantasy XII is being billed as the best of the bunch, but it remains to be seen whether it can live up to the hype. If it's going to displace VII and X at the top of the list, it's going to have to be truly exceptional. So far (about 10 hours in) the plot and milieux are very immersive. It helps that the story takes place in the world of Ivalice, which has already been established in previous titles FF: Tactics, FF: Tactics Advance, and Vagrant Story. The graphics are about the best I've seen in any PS2 game (though I'm partial to the watercolor realism of Shadow of the Colossus) and feature an absolutely astonishing level of detail (see, e.g., Vaan's hair). But my favorite feature so far is the gameplay. Killa and I were divided on this at first, but I was glad to see the end of the random encounter engine.

In March 2006, Final Fantasy XII received a perfect 40/40 from Famitsu magazine, joining an elite group of only six titles (six including FFXII). This makes director Yasumi Matsuno only the second person ever to have two games (FFXII and Vagrant Story) in Famitsu's elite 40/40 club, after the venerable Shigeru Miyamoto (LoZ: The Ocarina of Time and LoZ: The Wind Waker).

Fwd: omg wtf bbq T.T I can't believe so hard 2 find controller ;_;

I MAME, I Saw, I Combo'd

How about we take a wii break from the cutting edge, and go retro? I'm talking the ultimate virtual arcade on your desktop.

First things first, rob a bank. And then go buy all of the arcade cabinets you want to emulate. Remember, just say Arrr! to piracy.

Now that we're legally protected, hunt down Namco Classics Collection 1 & 2, so you can have Galaga and Pac-Man (respectively) and their Arrangements. At this point, if you must, go grab a few other oldies with which you think you might spend a few minutes of reminiscence, such as Pong, Space Invaders, or Q-Bert. The games are classics, but there really isn't any depth or replayability. I find Pac-Man to be the earliest arcade game to still be thoroughly fun to this day.

Next are Konami's distinguished entries into the Beat'em Up genre. Three popular licenses, three memorable games: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Arcade Game, the weakest offering (skippable), The Simpsons Arcade Game, a fun throwback, and, most significantly, the era's pinnacle of poor localization, X-Men: The Arcade Game. As fondly as many of us remember these games, for the love of god do not buy these cabinets on a whim. These games are short. Play through them a couple times, and then decide if you want to buy one on Ebay.

After Konami's licensed beat 'em ups, the next stop is harvesting the best of Capcom's versus fighting catalog. Street Fighter II: Hyper Fighting, Super Street Fighter II Turbo, Street Fighter Alpha 3, and Darkstalkers 3. Feel free to grab some of the prequels, but by attaining the final entry, you are usually getting the best of the series. If you absolutely must, then grab the original Street Fighter, but you will soon see why no one remembers this game. There are examples in all media of a sequel being better than the original, but Street Fighter was so unremarkable, so frustratingly bad, that it rarely even merits mentioning with the rest of its sequels. If nothing else, try to beat it. You will have a new found respect for both Sagat and the countless innovations of Street Fighter II, *if* you can even make it to Thailand. (Which is doubtful. You'll probably say Phuket long before you make it to Bangkok.)

The Marvel Vs. series is whole 'nother can of worms. The first Capcom game to feature Marvel characters was Children of the Atom, but that and Marvel Super Heroes can be skipped (although after CotA, Sentinel won't show up as anything besides an assist until MvC2). The first standout title was X-Men Vs. Street Fighter, which made its mark with tag team gameplay. Do not miss this game. The next two you'll have to find are Marvel Super Heroes vs. Street Fighter, and Marvel vs. Capcom (1). Unlike the aforementioned Capcom fighting franchises, due to roster restraints, few characters appear in every version, so I
recommend grabbing XSF, MSHvSF, and MvC. It would be nice to have Cammy, Omega Red, and Venom all in one game, but such is simply not the case.

I know what you're thinking: All of those characters are in Marvel Vs. Capcom 2, right? Oh yeah, but you won't be emulating that game anytime soon. Certain arcade hardware, notably Sega's Naomi and Capcom's CPS3, have not been raped for such "archival" purposes. They belong to a generation of arcade games a bit too valuable to be cracked and freely distributed.
So, if you're still fiening, track down the console versions. Street Fighter III: Third Strike can be found on the Street Fighter Anniversary Collection relatively easily. However, my PS2 copy of MvC2 is worth $100+ at this point, due to scarcity resulting from the expiration of Capcom's licensing agreement. If you ever see a working copy at a reasonable price, buy it.

Frankly, I don't enjoy older 3D fighting games in emulation. So only track down Street Figher EX or Rival Schools if you've never played them. Imho, the Soul series, Tekken, and Virtua Fighter get better with every incarnation (for the most part), so buy the latest console version or drive to an arcade if you can still find one. And regarding Tekken, if applicable, just purchase Dark Resurrection for PSP, natch.

Hold on, I've got a couple more Capcom notes. Download Super Puzzle Fighter II Turbo, a Puyo Pop-esque head-to-head puzzler, and if you're a Blue Bomber fan, snag the wacky Mega Man 2: The Power Fighters. Okay, we're almost done. Get a good CPS2 shooter, Progear or Mars Matrix. They both make Galaga look like a cave painting.

Due to the constraints of keyboard controls, I would pass on most racing games for your collection, although the relatively simple and memorable Super Off Road can be a nice addition. Ignore the Cruis'n and Ridge games, though, unless you already have the appropriate analog controls.

In summation, if I had to narrow these down to ten, this is the rundown of the must-haves:

1. Namco Classics Collection Volume 2
2. X-Men: The Arcade Game
3. Super Street Fighter II Turbo
4. Street Figher Alpha 3
5. X-Men vs. Street Fighter
6. Marvel Super Heroes vs. Street Fighter
7. Marvel vs. Capcom
8. Super Puzzle Fighter II Turbo
9. Mars Matrix: Hyper Solid Shooting
10. Super Off Road

I personally play the three Marvel Vs. games and Puzzle Fighter more than any of the others. Just like at an arcade where you play a game and then move on to the next, they are a lot of fun in short bursts.

Does this make anybody else miss the golden age of arcades as much as me? Unfortunately, powerful home consoles have all but killed traditional arcade games, allowing rail shooters and rhythm games to flourish. But thanks to MAME, these games will never be gone for good.

Twilight Princess: First Impressions

(Or, Here There Be Spoilers)

I think when people complain about the graphics of Twilight Princess, their disappointment stems from the fact that it looks like a Gamecube title, when people were expecting something a little more "next gen." However, the fact remains that TP is a GCN title---so it should come as no surprise that it looks like one. The lighting engine may have been upgraded a little bit (the water graphics, as Killa mentioned, are very nicely done), but this is essentially a GCN title that has been modified slightly for the Wii. Moreover, the modifications are primarily to do with the control scheme, not so much with the graphics (although 16 x 9 aspect ratio has been implemented for the Wii, and the maps have all been mirrored so that Link could use his right hand).

I have to disagree with Killa about the gameplay. Complicated button-pushing methodology is not second nature to me. E.g., when I played Vice City, my Tommy Vercetti walked to get where he was going---because it was just easier and less cause for anxiety than stealing a car ("Mmm, two stars; better turn myself in!"). I'm terrible at remembering sequences of buttons, especially when I perceive my character to be in danger. For me, being able to wildly shake both my Wiimote and nunchuck to attack makes perfect sense---it's the gesture I naturally make when I'm alarmed by something on the screen. I've discovered that if you target with Z and just shake your Wiimote in the general direction of the baddies, Link will handle the rest.

I mentioned above that the maps have been mirrored for the Wii version of LoZ:TP. As a Zelda purist, this is my biggest gripe so far with the game (admittedly, not a very significant gripe). Link has traditionally been a left-handed character, and so he was designed for the GCN TP as well. Early test groups, however, thought it was perplexing to swing the Wiimote with their right hand and cause Link to swing with his left hand, so, for the Wii version of TP, everything got mirrored so that Link would be right handed. I found this a little silly and unfair for those of us who are left handed---if it was so upsetting for right-handed people to play as a left-handed character, shouldn't there be an option to play either a left- or a right-handed Link so that lefties won't have to suffer?

One thing I can say with a certainty is that I like Midna. Killa had to leave before we encountered her so he has yet to experience the pure, unadultered joy that comes from this impish little creature. When she has something to tell you, she emits one little snicker from the speaker in your Wiimote and then she shuts up and waits for you to ask for her help. I think we will all agree that when you're trying to do something, that's much more agreeable than the alternative.

"HEY! LISTEN! HEY! LISTEN! HEY! LISTEN! HEY! LISTEN! HEY! HEY! HEY! There's a puddle here. LISTEN!!!"

Here Wii Go

Until Nintendo's Wii was born, I had never lost a fist fight to a girl. And now, my perfect record... is ruined.

It seems that Poptart's female intuition (+1 to INT, if I recall Sex Ed correctly) instilled within her the instinct to rise from a second knockdown in Wii Sports Boxing. In the several preceding rounds, such a "third wind" was unheard of. Needless to say, I was still engaged in my full body rotation dance of celebration when she finished me off with a quick one-two to my Mii's melon. It goes without saying that this has shifted the balance of power in our relationship. I see a great many backrubs in my near future.

I should say, that as close as my Mii is in appearance, it will take a few more generations of LCD technology before the true paleness of my complexion can be honestly conveyed. It may require radium to be embedded in the liquid crystals, I'm not sure. (Because, you know, nice TVs don't cost enough yet.)

With my prodding (read: fake crying), I was allowed to pop Twilight Princess's cherry. As one might expect, this requires a thrusting motion with the Wiimote. But since I was hanging out over at Cat's anyways, we delved into the beginning of LotZ:TP btw fyi ymmv. I will mention a few of my first impressions, as I didn't really sink my teeth into any labyrinthine sustenance to really guage TP's rank in the Zelda hierarchy.

First, graphically speaking, the game looks damn good. Just like I would expect a Cube version of Ocarina of Time to look like. Don't get me wrong, I liked the appearance of Wind Waker (yeah, swirling black smoke), but it was not in the same semi-realistic vein as Ocarina. A nice looking Cube game unfortunately draws some pretty steep competition, notably Resident Evil 4. I think Capcom 'broke the mold' on that one, but unsurmountable competition aside, TP looks very nice. Gorgeous water effects, for the wow.

Secondly, the controls are not that intuitive. They will take some getting used to. This isn't Wii Sports Baseball, okay? This is, after all, the Legend of Zelda. It was helpful that I recalled the traditional Deku Baba slaying method (Dodge its strike, jump attack, horizontal slash), but when I was swarmed with a number of enemies, it became a little disorienting to maneuver and attack. Often the safest bet was, when in doubt, to shake your nunchuk like a British nanny (i.e. use the spin attack). I'm sure by the time the Forest Temple boss is encountered, such rudimentary techniques will be second nature, but be forewarned, initially, you'll think that it would have been simpler on your old Wavebird.

I don't mean to be discouraging, of course. There is no way one can ignore that Twilight Princess will be legendary.

Interviewee: Nintendo Wii

(Or, Like Thor to a Flame)

At 12:01 A.M., husband and I became the proud owners of a spanking new Nintendo Wii. We got Wii Sports with the console and picked up Marvel Ultimate Alliance and Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess besides. Unfortunately, we weren't able to pick up a third Wiimote and nunchuck combo for Killa, who was working and couldn't join us for the midnight launch, as all the controller accessories were presold.

It is amazing how much fun we had with the Wii before we ever stuck a disc in it: Boot up and configure system; Make Mii; Make husband's Mii; Make an Angelina Jolie Mii, in case she wants to come over and play with our Wii; Download original Legend of Zelda from the Virtual Console; Six hours and four labyrinths later, finally try out Wii Sports.

Ultimate Alliance is good so far, but I've discovered that you can take Wii toolboxery to a whole new level by smashing the A button to attack instead of using the gesture controls that are the very birthright of the Wii. No amount of gesturing nor A-button-smashing, however, seems able to prevent Thor from stumbling into every apparent pile of burning rubbish we pass by. If there is a fire in Marvel Ultimate Alliance, it is a safe bet that Thor is going to walk into it and die. Swap him out for the Human Torch at your earliest convenience.

We have yet to deflower Twilight Princess, which is still in its cellophane wrapper, pristine, propped up on the dining room table so we can look at it while we eat. We aren't yet ready to end the admiration process and move to the next phase (i.e., actually playing the game).

Omg... Blogging from my cel. Teh future is now.

Ask the Experts

Q: In the case of Sagat's Tiger Blow, how does one uppercut hit seven times?

A: It's a motherfuckin' mystery.


Q: What is with all the translation errors in Konami's X-Men arcade game?

A: There are no translation errors. Magneto really is the Master of Magnet.


Q: In Tekken, what is the difference between the Wind God Fist and the Electric Wind God Fist?

A: It's electric; boogie woogie woogie woogie.