A Grizzled Veteran (II)

Of the MMORPG Wars (Part the Second)

A few years later, an early and geeky boyfriend of mine became fascinated at the prospect of a female gamer---heretofore a complete unknown---and promptly installed Duke Nukem 3D (now with one more D) on my family's very swanky computer, which (I believe) was a Pentium II (now with one more pentium).

I was then initiated in the process of dialing into his family's PC across town via TCP/IP, allowing us to play Duke Nukem competitively against one another, usually in the wee hours of the morning. Every time I got fragged, I would screech and wake up my parents who were sleeping in the next room. Mother thought it inappropriate and even alarming for a girl of 15 to be "fragged." Duke Nukem 3D was the first online game I experienced that featured cutting edge concepts like graphics (also strippers).

A few more years ushered in the release of the epochal EverQuest. It was not merely online and multiplayer, but massively multiplayer in addition to online, and had graphics. Except for these major advances, EverQuest was just like the text-based MUDs of yesteryear. The MOBs, races, and job classes were familiar, and some of the commands such as "/con" were carried over as well.

EverQuest also introduced us to the archetypal concepts that would remain forever etched in our collective MMORPGing psyche in myriad forms---like "KoS" ("Look out---that monster is aggressive"), "SoW PLZ" ("Kindly cast a spell or use an ability to help me run faster"), and "Rogues are nerfed" ("My job class has the effectiveness of a bullet made from foam and fired out of a neon orange tube by a highly excitable five-year-old"). I played EQ for quite some time, both pre- and immediately post-Kunark, before leaving for what were promised to be broader, bloodier pastures.

EQ's addictiveness was also featured centrally in one of my earliest gaming haikus:

EverQuest is not
A good game for us to get
If we are busy.

(to be concluded)

Abuse your speakers/
Lose your manners/
Disturb the neighbors/
This one's a Bangaa.

Gaming Resolutions 2007: Killa Edition

There is, of course, some overlap betwixt our lists, but please enjoy my current agenda of games. This sort of hindsight/foresight foray makes me feel somewhat like the Roman god of doorways, the two-faced Janus. Although, people today may be more familiar with his more recent incarnation, Phanto the two-tone mask from Super Mario Brothers 2. Regardless, you get the point.

Sidenote: This kind of makes me nostalgic for the reoccuring On the Horizon segment from the old blog.

Currently playing, need to finish

• Prince of Persia: Revelations (PSP)
• Final Fantasy XII (PS2) (With Catarina)
• Metal Gear Ghost Babel (GBC*)
• Marvel Ultimate Alliance (Wii) (With the J-Team)
• Ico (PS2)

Purchased, but not yet played

• Metal Gear Solid Porable Ops (PSP)
• Namco Museum Battle Collection (PSP) (A gift)
• Street Fighter III: 3rd Strike (PS2) (Street Fighter Anniversary Collection)

Say Arr! to Piracy

• Snatcher (SegaCD*)
• Samurai Showdown Zero Special (NeoGeo*)

Want to play through again this year

• Final Fantasy VI (SNES)
• Marvel Vs. Capcom 2 (PS2)

Still need to buy

• Final Fantasy VII: Dirge of Cerberus (PS2)
• Playstation 3 console
• Ridge Racer 7 (PS3)
• Mega Man ZX (DS)
• Metal Gear Solid 3: Subsistence (PS2)

Forthcoming titles of interest for 2007

• Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patiots (PS3)
• Final Fantasy XIII (PS3)
• Heavenly Sword (PS3)
• Tekken 6 (PS3)
• White Knight Story (PS3)
• Assassin's Creed (PS3)
• Devil May Cry 4 (PS3)
• flOw (PS3)
• Prince of Persia: Rival Swords (PSP)
• Final Fantasy VII: Crisis Core (PSP)
• Smash Brothers Brawl (Wii)

*Arr!

Gaming Resolutions 2007: Catarina Edition

The year 2006 had some amazing highlights with the releases of the Wii, the PS3, and the DS Lite on the hardware horizon; some awesome new installments from beloved franchises like Final Fantasy XII and Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess; and some surprise hit titles like Okami and Bully.

The upcoming 2007 promises to be equally amazing with new titles dropping all the time for the infant PS3 and Wii, and more major titles coming to the DS. Catarina's household proudly added a Wii and a DS Lite (hubby's) in Q4/2006, and we plan to usher in a PS3 in the coming months (and a second DS Lite---pink---for my own personal use). To keep organized and make sure nothing important gets overlooked, herewith my gaming resolutions for 2007:

Currently playing, need to finish

• Disgaea II: Cursed Memories (PS2)
• Final Fantasy XII (PS2) (With Killa)
• Legend of Zelda: Twlight Princess (Wii)
• Okami (PS2)

Purchased, but not yet played

• Dragon Quest VIII (PS2) (An X-Mas gift from Killa!)
• ICO (PS2)
• Katamari Damacy (PS2)
• Marvel: Ultimate Alliance (Wii)

Want to play through again this year

• Final Fantasy VI (Originally SNES; rereleased for PS1)
• Final Fantasy VII (PS1)
• Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker (GCN)
• Shadow of the Colossus (PS2) (Time Attack Mode)
  

Still need to buy

• Final Fantasy IV Advance (GBA)
• Playstation 3 console
• Vagrant Story (PS1) (We consider this part of the "Ivalice Alliance")

Forthcoming titles of interest for 2007

• Assassin's Creed (PS3)
• Dragon Quest IX (DS)
• Dragon Quest Swords (Wii)
• Final Fantasy XII: Revenant Wings (DS)
• Final Fantasy XIII (PS3)
• Heavenly Sword (PS3)
• Lair (PS3)
• Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass (DS)
• Metroid Prime 3: Corruption (Wii)
• Ninja Gaiden Sigma (PS3)
• Super Mario Galaxy (Wii)
• Super Smash Brothers Brawl (Wii)
• Tekken 6 (PS3)
• Virtua Fighter 5 (PS3)
• White Knight Story (PS3) (Working title)

Revenant Wings New Trailer

Worldwide Nintendo news blog C3 has the first trailer for the forthcoming Final Fantasy XII: Revenant Wings RPG for the Nintendo DS. The release date hasn't yet been announced, but the end of the trailer says it is "coming soon." Hopefully sooner than Phantom Hourglass.

A Grizzled Veteran

Of the MMORPG Wars (Part the First)

The other day, Killa pointed out to me a truth I'd never realized about myself: That I am, in fact, a true veteran of the MMORPG experience. Yea, even the MORPG experience, sans an "m."

Back in the day, perhaps when I was in middle school or just beginning high school, I used to play text-based MUDs over the ZuggSoft zMUD client. Certainly MU*s (i.e., MUDs and their various brethren, such as MUSHs, MOOs, etc.) can't be considered massively multiplayer---not in the contemporary sense of the word---but I think they were probably the earliest recognizable ancestor of the modern MMORPG. Remember, too, that there were far fewer people in the world back then, and so MUDs may actually have had a higher proportion of the population enrolled. We don't know. Also, back in the day, we couldn't count nearly as high as we can today. It's entirely possible that Legend Mud had as many registered users as Second Life, but our primitive calculators just couldn't count that high.

Most of the MUDs I visited never had more than ten or eleven characters milling around at a given time, but that was plenty to get some role-playing, action-packed adventure going. The "con system" found in these MUDs---by which a player could "consider" a target to find out how difficult it would be to defeat---with its classic answers like "Do you feel lucky, punk?" and "Death will thank you for your gift" has become a staple of many subsequent MMORPGs. Likewise, the Orc Scout and the Gnoll Pup have been faithfully reincarnated again and again as the genre has evolved.

MUDs, I believe, are the immediate progeny of the prototypical Zork, with its many "rooms" conceptualized by descriptive text, its white house, its open mailbox, etc. And its means of moving west by typing "Move West," or "Move W," or "West," or even just "W." I remember having memorized long strings of directions---"From the healer to the weapon shop? Oh that's easy, just go S; E; E; E; S; S; W; W; W; N."

As great and wondrous as I know all that sounds, these early ancestors of the modern MMORPG left something to be desired. Graphics, perhaps. And . . . strippers?

(to be continued)

Crouching Babel, Hidden Cobra

While MGS4 may be pretty far off on the horizon, that doesn't mean The End of all stealth franchises isn't as lively as ever. Most recently the stellar Metal Gear Solid Portable Ops dropped for PSP. Bad timing, though. I fear if I pop Prince of Persia Revelations out of my PSP, it may not return, and the Prince may be stranded on the island of time forever...

So, while I try to rush through Revelations, I am currently falling further and further behind the online competitive curve in Ops. The Fear of potential opponenets skilling up without me is alarming, but to comfort myself I am taking a little time to indulge in one of the lesser known entries in the Metal Gear mythos.

After Playstation's Metal Gear Solid, and before PS2's Sons of Liberty, there was a little retro entry for Nintendo's Game Boy Color, Metal Gear Ghost Babel, or simply Metal Gear Solid here in North America. This second title is somewhat misleading, as I consider the Solid term to refer specifically to the 3D aspect of the games, as opposed to the inclusion of the character. You see, Ghost Babel is closest in similarity to Metal Gear 2, and if you haven't played either Ghost Babel or MG2, you are missing out on the Joy of a unique gaming experience.

There is nothing like the Pain of a bad spinoff for a Gameboy system, and luckily, Ghost Babel is not one. It's one final throwback to the original formula of top-down stealth action. You have all the fun gimmicks of MG2 and MGS (the cardboard box, e.g.) with a fresh coat of paint, and a fresh set of wacky bosses (with their wacky names).

Unfortunately, Ghost Babel is not part of the major storyline. It seems to take the place of MGS, wherein Snake is brought out of his Alaskan retirement by Colonel Campbell, but instead of stopping Foxhound's takeover of Shadow Moses, he must travel to Central Africa to stop the terrorist group Black Chamber. Interestingly, one of the more popular interpretations of this storyline is that it is a VR training scenario meant to form Raiden into the Patriot's own "legendary hero". (Oh shit, please excuse the Sorrow caused by any spoilers in this paragraph. Direct all of the Fury you may have to the comments section.)

Anyways, if you can find Ghost Babel at your local game store, and you have the neccesary hardware to play it, get it. You won't be sorry. And if you can't locate a hard copy locally or online, well, you know. Just say Arr! to rom piracy.

Not With a Bang. . . .

But with a knife, silently, from behind.

Everything I hear lately about Sony is discouraging. The latest: Noooz is reporting that Metal Gear Solid 4, long anticipated to be a PS3 exclusive, is going to port to the X-Box 360. Neither Konami, nor MicroSoft, nor Sony is confirming this yet. It'll be a shame if it turns out to be true.

I'm still rooting for Sony, and I'm planning to buy a PS3 early in 2007---as soon as there is a worthwhile game to play on it (don't say "REEEEEEEEEEEJ Racer").

Part of the reason is that I don't want the only high-end gaming experience in town to be the X-Box. I already shelled out a pile of money on a MicroSoft-powered machine to play games on. It is my PC. (X-Box, go home.)

Aside/ This is not to say that we don't have an X-Box. We do. It's broken and collecting dust in the attic. Speaking of broken consoles, another point in Sony's favor is that my PS2 is the only of my last-gen consoles to still be in working order these many years later. The X-Box and the GameCube are both teh br0ken. /Aside

Also, I feel that Sony is committed to putting out high-quality merchandise. I don't always buy Sony, but I think Samsung (for example) is better for having to compete with Sony. That is to say, I think Sony keeps the industry standard high. I really want Sony to succeed. For the good of the industry, you see.

But a few months back, PS3 lost Assassin's Creed as an exclusive---they have to share with the 360. That was a blow . . . a highly anticipated PS3 title jumping ship. Then there were a plethora of blu-ray diode production problems. Then, last week, SquareEnix announces that DQIX will be exclusive to the DS . . . a major blow for Sony in the Japanese market. Et tu, Konami? Et tu, MGS4?

Hoping it's not true. . . .

Sony PR BBQ OMFG >.<

Keep it fake, yo. (The scoop, if you hadn't heard.)

Dragon Quest IX a DS Exclusive

Joystiq and Kotaku reported this morning that the next installment of SquareEnix's blockbuster Dragon Quest franchise is going to be an exclusive for the Nintendo DS.

This is major, major news. The Dragon Quest series is to Japanese gamers what the Final Fantasy series is to American gamers---only moreso. There's actually a federal law in Japan prohibiting Dragon Quest games from being released on a school day, in order to prevent millions of ordinarily well-behaved children from cutting class and running wild in the streets, trying to get their hands on a coveted copy of the game.

I've confirmed this in the Sydney Morning Herald, which appears to be a reputable news source despite being located down under.

This is terrible news for Sony, whose PS1 and PS2 installments enjoyed the success of DQVII and DQVIII, respectively. I'm not surprised to see the next installment going to Nintendo, considering that SE had previously announced a desire to support both Sony and Nintendo with their bestselling franchises (sorry, Microsoft). However, I'm surprised to see such a major game coming exclusively to a handheld.

I should look into acquiring a DS in time for the joyous event.

So Easy, Even a Child Could Play It

Just a quick post to remind anyone who might be reading this blog about Penny Arcade's annual Child's Play charity drive.

The hospitals still have plenty of items on their wish lists---and they're not all expensive. If you can't afford a console or a video game, consider adding a board game or a DVD to your shopping cart next time you're at Amazon.com. Or, think of the non-reusable items that children's hospitals go through on a regular basis: batteries, playdough, coloring books, etc. Or, you can buy this stylish Child's Play T-Shirt at ThinkGeek.com to support the cause and advertise it, which we know today as multitasking.

Gamers get such a bad reputation for being self-absorbed, immature, violent, apathetic, alien-killing people. Except for the alien killing, these stereotypes are (often) not true---and this is the way to prove it. For any non-gamers reading this---if you've ever accused anyone of using video games to escape from reality, please consider that no one needs to escape from reality more than critically sick kids.

What have I been up to?

(Purple Dhalsim rocking flesh-tone Zangief with the Yoga Legend super.)

Yeah, I've been wasting some time screwing around with Street Fighter EX 2 Plus on MAME when I have some free time at home. I know in my last arcade post I said I didn't care for 3D fighters in emulation, but, you know, I'm waffling. Emulation was my first taste of Rival Schools, and my EX experience is rather lacking.

I've played a couple of X-Men Vs. Street Fighter matches online over Kawaks recently, only to have my ass handed to me by scrub tactics. I may need more practice, or I may have to admit that I just can't execute with a keyboard. Ah well. Sooner or later I'll find some competition close to my (low) level.

When I'm not at my household CPU, I've got Prince of Persia Revelations in my PSP, and Metal Gear Portable Ops ready to take it's place ASAP. I've also got Ico with me whenever I get some rare PS2 time over at Poptart's or Catarina's.

So, you know, I'm ready to kill time at a moment's notice.

Yeah, it sucks

Work, that is, sucks. So do the load times and audio glitches in Prince of Persia Revelations, but that can wait for another post.

On the 29th of November, I was kind enough to come in to fill in for a coworker who was out on vacation. This, of course, is not my normal job, but I was once an office dweller, and I do know my way around the business end of a fax machine. Conveniently, a nice long shift gives me plenty of time to read blogs, do Christmas shopping, pay my bills, and visit any websites not blocked by my organization's filtering software, which unfortunately forbids anything under the category: "Games".

So, today, my boss handed me a twelve page log of every URL I visited on said date which was given to him by the head of our Information Systems department. Luckily, my boss is very much like me, except that the last videogame he played was an NFL Blitz arcade machine left behind by a thoughtless client. Anyways, since he is so much like me, he didn't worry too much about what Information Systems thinks, so far as he can explain any activity to his boss when needed.

As a result, I'm trying to limit my internet activity. I'm hoping if I focus more on Final Form, when the notorious head of Information Systems (let's just call him Victor) checks up on my web traffic, he'll stop by and read that he is an ineffectual jerk off and his body seems to be rejecting his hair plugs.

Anyways, I figured I'd put my spin on some of the more distinctive jobs in the world of gaming. Please forgive my lack of images; Photobucket is under the forbidden category of: "MP3/Streaming". Thanks, Vic.

Street Fighter.
This job should appeal to anyone who has a problem with pent up aggression from, say, an unsatisfying work environment or reading classic literature. Travel around the world, meet new people, and fight them! There are no wages to speak of, as most vaguely defined "fighting tournaments" don't have much of a payout structure, unless you plan on retiring on revenge. High risk of injury, no health coverage, nor worker's compensation; but, one day, you could fight your way up the corporate ladder, and be the boss!

Anti-Proliferation Operative.
(Or whatever you want to call Solid Snake's occupation.) No longer reaping the sweet benefits of government affiliation? Well, you could always be an independent soldier fighting for what you believe in, even if it is as narrow a goal as destroying mobile all terrain nuclear platforms. (Metal Gear?!) Must be willing to face next-gen special forces, including, but not limited to, psychics, mad bombers, and cyborg ninjas. Cloned individuals preferred; animal codename a must. Must be able to fit inside a cardboard box. Please, no claustrophobes.

Career Criminal.
Eclectic, enterprising individual needed to take over crime-infested city. Must have no qualms about hotwiring vehicles, participating in street violence, or killing hookers. Applicant must be willing to work with various employers, with an erratic pay schedule. Lots of freedom! Familiarity with bicycles, cars, trucks, motorcycles, helicopters, fixed wing aircraft, parachutes, jet skis, speedboats, yachts, tanks, golf carts, ambulances, fire trucks, tractors, and pizza delivery scooters recommended. Good navigational skills a plus. It may also be a good idea to retain legal representation.

Spherehunter.
Scattered, hidden, round objects containing video footage (or sometimes outfits) need finding, and it is up to you to track them down. Tour the new Spira in your search, and try to find clues to the semi-existence of your lost loved one, if applicable. Must be willing to undress in front of colleagues at a moment's notice. Having your own airship is a big plus. Previous High Summoning experience couldn't hurt; should have some knowledge of public relations. Spherehunting is on-again, off-again work, so please be prepared to change jobs continually.

Work Sucks!

Today was a terrible day at work. All day I was dealing with a series of blunders on a particular project and every time I corrected one, another would pop up. Two o'clock found me in my boss's office complaining about the phenomenon, when, to my absolute mortification, I got a little emotional and let my distress show (it was a very bad day). This has me feeling a bit like Super Princess Peach who---let's be honest now---isn't very super. There's something inherently distasteful in the concept of propelling Peach through her own titular game by toying with her emotions (e.g., get her crying and she can run with super speed; make her angry and she becomes invincible, leaving earthquakes in her wake).

Anyway, the problem with my job is that it's just a normal job. It's not an awesome video game job. No, I don't mean a job in the video game industry, I mean a job in a video game. If you think about it, video games almost always depict characters going about their work-a-day jobs. It's just that their jobs are so interesting and exciting that when we come home from our nine-to-fives (or, in Killa's case, our midnight-to-fives) we can't wait to shed our own workday woes and get into theirs. Some great examples of this are the NES classic Paperboy (self-explanatory) and the new Atlus series Trauma Center, in which you play as a doctor and perform surgery on patients (no word yet on a proctology expansion).

So what are some of the greatest jobs in video games? Off the top of my head. . . .

	Intergalactic Bounty Hunter. In the employ of the Galactic Federation, fly around the known galaxy in your Gunship hunting Space Pirates and those pesky Metroids. The hours are long, but you get to unwind at the end of a tough mission by taking off your Power Suit and shocking spectators by parading around in your Zero Suit (like a birthday suit, but blue). Samus Aran, pictured left, is a very famous and sucessful bounty hunter, having appeared in a number of Metroid games and all three Super Smash Bros. installments. She has the distinction of being one of the very first female protagonists in video game history, although I can't say that's terribly impressive since by the time the original Metroid takes place in 20X5, we would hope women's lib should have made some advancements. . . .
Freelance Demon Slayer. This isn't a job for everyone; superhuman speed, strength, and agility are pretty much prerequisite. Being the offspring of a legendary Dark Knight and a mortal is a definite plus. And without a Demon Trigger, you won't stand a chance. Pictured right is Dante of Devil May Cry fame, Demon Slayer extraordinaire. The successful candidate will be expected to utilize a wide variety of fighting styles to vanquish demons and other supernatural phenomena. Mustn't be at all squeamish---the weapons of fallen foes are prime pickins for the aspiring Demon Slayer. A sense of style is absolutely mandatory, as points are amassed not only for killing legions of demons, but for doing it in an attractive manner. Suggest honing skills with gun, sword, and trench coat.
	Globetrotting Archaeologist. Easily one of the most glamorous occupations in this gaming life, this archaeological adventurer---a sort of tomb raider, if you will---can expect no end of action-packed excursions to exotic locations such as Peru, Egypt, and even Atlantis! A degree in the social sciences won't help you land this dream job: Come prepared with an inherited fortune, an infinite amount of leisure time, your own private airplane, and a very large brassiere. Must be willing to rob graves. Bonus: Fellow globetrotting golden girl Angelina Jolie may be tapped to portray you on the silver screen.
Plumber. Not every job in the video game galaxy is glamorous. Sometimes you just have to roll up your bright red sleeves, hitch up your trademark overalls, and climb down a slimy pipe into a brave new world of . . . fungi? But a plumber's gotta do what a plumber's gotta do---and if the job involves stomping mushroom men, spitting fireballs, and bopping your way to victory, then Mario's going to do it. That's why plumbers make the big bucks. Of course, plumbing isn't Mario's only job. In his long and esteemed career, he's also been a professional golfer, race car driver, soccer player, doctor, tennis player, boxing referee, and many, many other things. I have to say, I'm not sure how he'll feel when he finally vanquishes the evil turtle king, only to be told: "I'm sorry, but your Super Princess Peach got manically happy and flew out of the castle in a whirlwind of emotion."
	Midgar Flower Girl. It's not easy to make your living selling flowers in a city where nothing can grow, but Aeris Gainsborough (left) makes this humble occupation look good. In the middle of the semi-subterranean Midgar slums, the Midgar Flower Girl will be expected to lovingly tend the only patch of grass and few flowers in the city; working conditions in the abandoned slum church are substandard; and avoiding Turk attacks and kidnapping attempts by the omnipresent Shin-Ra Corp. demand a quick-witted, independent individual. Endless optimism is a must, even in the darkest places and direst times. Are you interested? Because there's a vacancy.

Happy Hour

I haven't had a chance to fire up either my Wii or my PS2 for the last couple of days, because November 27 marked my return to working life after a long absence (hubby and I had been enjoying the good life since November 16). Being back at work returns me to the presence of my coworkers who, as well as I get along with them and they with me, are mostly non-gamers. They have, however, shared in my joy at getting a Wii at 00:01 A.M on launch day---in fact, more than a few coworkers were surprised that I was able to get this coveted toy, and I may have earned some cool points by having the latest gadget in time for the X-Mas season.

Tonight, a former coworker was visiting the area, so my work gang gathered at our local DuClaw for a drink and some revelry. Three beers later found found me sitting at a table with my next-door-cubemate and our boss, explaining my lifelong fear of fish via an explanation of colossus number 7---codename Hydrus, the electric eel---from Shadow of the Colossus. I don't think they understood what I was getting at, but the experience brought me to an overwhelming question: How do you explain the appeal of a video game that good to the uninitiated?

It's no easy feat, obviously. Specifically, trying to explain a concept already as radical and groundbreaking as SotC to people who didn't even realize that Mario had gone 64-bit. I think in my inebriated state I managed to say "You play as this little guy---I mean this normal sized guy---who has to kill these giant [here I flailed my arms out wildly, possibly knocking over someone's drink] monsters by climbing up them and stabbing them [mimes stabbing motion with an imaginary sword, knocking over more drinks] in their glowing magical weakpoints. It's revolutionary. . . . Man!"

If I had the chance again---to explain SotC to an uninitiated but interested third party---what would I say?

It's the story of an ordinary boy, so consumed by guilt and love, that he has traveled to the ends of the earth to resurrect the object of his affection at any price. And the price is terrible. Sixteen majestic monsters---sky-scraper-sized on the screen---each a vastly complex puzzle in its own right, must be felled in order to return this girl from her undeserved grave. The game mechanics are revolutionary but that's not a point that my colleagues care about. They haven't seen a video game since their princess was in another castle.

The most magnificent aspect of Shadow of the Colossus is the ambiguous morality that it occupies. The hero, Wander, will stop at nothing to undo the wrongdoing that has caused Mono's untimely death (a death which, evidence indicates to me, probably occured at his own hand), and never stops to think whether what he is doing is right or wrong. The spirit Dormin warns Wander that the price will be great, but how great is it? At the end of the game, has Wander felled sixteen terrible creatures and undone a terrible wrong at the cost of his own life? Or has he slain sixteen innocent creatures that were set upon protecting the world from the release of a terrible evil with the power to reverse even death. . . .

This is the sort of moral quandary that I know would appeal to my colleagues if they could get past the circle-triangle-square-X mechanics of it. I'm afraid I botched it. . . . I see many gamer geek jokes in my future at work.

In closing, a short haiku on Shadow of the Colossus:

Sixteen stone giants.
A boy, a horse, a dead girl.
"Don't fall off, Fucktard."

Scarcitii

As it was alluded to in the last mobile posting, I have not yet secured myself a Wiimote nor a nunchuk attachment. Poptart was kind enough to give me a black and gray texturized cover, but for now it merely is something for me to wave as proof of my alleged commitment to the console. Hopefully soon I can join the eliit club of owners, but for now I will bide my time and try to wait patiently for the next shipment.

Bad for me, but hella good sign for Nintendo. I don't have any official numbers, but their hardware attach rate, which for typical launches isn't the hot topic, must be through the roof. In the case of my cadre and I, we're chomping at the bit to tear into Marvel Ultimate Alliance. Retail price of the game aside, the Wii goes for the reasonable $250. Add to the that the cost of three more 'motes and three 'chuks. [sounds of numbers crunching] $420. And that's before a classic controller, and some Wii points... Well what do you know? Looks like Mario is starting to pull in plumber money.

And Then, There Were Twelve

These years of our lord 2006 and 2007 are proving to be a really great time for my favorite game franchises. I've talked Twilight Princess to death the last few days because it's really all I've been playing. In fact, my household is actually playing in shifts---id est, Gabe plays while I blog and I then play while he sleeps, ad infinitum. Even now, I can hear sword slashes and monkey howls wafting up the steps. The dog, somehow, remains nonchalant.

But that's not all the gaming goodness going on in our casa these days. As giddy as gamers get over Zelda, there are other hallmarks of gaming fame that get get our airship motors running---chief among them the macrocosmic Final Fantasy series, with its thirteen titular installments, two movies, countless spin-offs (including Tactics, Dirge of Cerberus, and Crystal Chronicles), and appearances in other games such as the fighter Ergheiz and the blockbuster Kingdom Hearts series. (In comparison, the Legend of Zelda series has thirteen titles, plus appearances in the Super Smash Brothers series, and an ill-fated cartoon that I think we'd all best forget.)

Most gamers---at least, any gamers who are even remotely familiar with the RPG genre---count the brutal and totally unexpected death of Aeris Gainsborough among the most definitive moments in gaming history (right up there with Samus Aran's gender-bending striptease back in 1987). And if you can think way back with me, back to 1990, maybe you can remember another defining moment in gaming: when you rescued Princess Sara of Corneria but instead of winning the game, the title screen rolled down to let you know that the game was actually just starting. For most of us, I think it's fair to say that installments VII and X (and, by association, X-2) have made an indelible impression on our collective gaming consciousness.

Final Fantasy XII is being billed as the best of the bunch, but it remains to be seen whether it can live up to the hype. If it's going to displace VII and X at the top of the list, it's going to have to be truly exceptional. So far (about 10 hours in) the plot and milieux are very immersive. It helps that the story takes place in the world of Ivalice, which has already been established in previous titles FF: Tactics, FF: Tactics Advance, and Vagrant Story. The graphics are about the best I've seen in any PS2 game (though I'm partial to the watercolor realism of Shadow of the Colossus) and feature an absolutely astonishing level of detail (see, e.g., Vaan's hair). But my favorite feature so far is the gameplay. Killa and I were divided on this at first, but I was glad to see the end of the random encounter engine.

In March 2006, Final Fantasy XII received a perfect 40/40 from Famitsu magazine, joining an elite group of only six titles (six including FFXII). This makes director Yasumi Matsuno only the second person ever to have two games (FFXII and Vagrant Story) in Famitsu's elite 40/40 club, after the venerable Shigeru Miyamoto (LoZ: The Ocarina of Time and LoZ: The Wind Waker).

Fwd: omg wtf bbq T.T I can't believe so hard 2 find controller ;_;

I MAME, I Saw, I Combo'd

How about we take a wii break from the cutting edge, and go retro? I'm talking the ultimate virtual arcade on your desktop.

First things first, rob a bank. And then go buy all of the arcade cabinets you want to emulate. Remember, just say Arrr! to piracy.

Now that we're legally protected, hunt down Namco Classics Collection 1 & 2, so you can have Galaga and Pac-Man (respectively) and their Arrangements. At this point, if you must, go grab a few other oldies with which you think you might spend a few minutes of reminiscence, such as Pong, Space Invaders, or Q-Bert. The games are classics, but there really isn't any depth or replayability. I find Pac-Man to be the earliest arcade game to still be thoroughly fun to this day.

Next are Konami's distinguished entries into the Beat'em Up genre. Three popular licenses, three memorable games: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Arcade Game, the weakest offering (skippable), The Simpsons Arcade Game, a fun throwback, and, most significantly, the era's pinnacle of poor localization, X-Men: The Arcade Game. As fondly as many of us remember these games, for the love of god do not buy these cabinets on a whim. These games are short. Play through them a couple times, and then decide if you want to buy one on Ebay.

After Konami's licensed beat 'em ups, the next stop is harvesting the best of Capcom's versus fighting catalog. Street Fighter II: Hyper Fighting, Super Street Fighter II Turbo, Street Fighter Alpha 3, and Darkstalkers 3. Feel free to grab some of the prequels, but by attaining the final entry, you are usually getting the best of the series. If you absolutely must, then grab the original Street Fighter, but you will soon see why no one remembers this game. There are examples in all media of a sequel being better than the original, but Street Fighter was so unremarkable, so frustratingly bad, that it rarely even merits mentioning with the rest of its sequels. If nothing else, try to beat it. You will have a new found respect for both Sagat and the countless innovations of Street Fighter II, *if* you can even make it to Thailand. (Which is doubtful. You'll probably say Phuket long before you make it to Bangkok.)

The Marvel Vs. series is whole 'nother can of worms. The first Capcom game to feature Marvel characters was Children of the Atom, but that and Marvel Super Heroes can be skipped (although after CotA, Sentinel won't show up as anything besides an assist until MvC2). The first standout title was X-Men Vs. Street Fighter, which made its mark with tag team gameplay. Do not miss this game. The next two you'll have to find are Marvel Super Heroes vs. Street Fighter, and Marvel vs. Capcom (1). Unlike the aforementioned Capcom fighting franchises, due to roster restraints, few characters appear in every version, so I
recommend grabbing XSF, MSHvSF, and MvC. It would be nice to have Cammy, Omega Red, and Venom all in one game, but such is simply not the case.

I know what you're thinking: All of those characters are in Marvel Vs. Capcom 2, right? Oh yeah, but you won't be emulating that game anytime soon. Certain arcade hardware, notably Sega's Naomi and Capcom's CPS3, have not been raped for such "archival" purposes. They belong to a generation of arcade games a bit too valuable to be cracked and freely distributed.
So, if you're still fiening, track down the console versions. Street Fighter III: Third Strike can be found on the Street Fighter Anniversary Collection relatively easily. However, my PS2 copy of MvC2 is worth $100+ at this point, due to scarcity resulting from the expiration of Capcom's licensing agreement. If you ever see a working copy at a reasonable price, buy it.

Frankly, I don't enjoy older 3D fighting games in emulation. So only track down Street Figher EX or Rival Schools if you've never played them. Imho, the Soul series, Tekken, and Virtua Fighter get better with every incarnation (for the most part), so buy the latest console version or drive to an arcade if you can still find one. And regarding Tekken, if applicable, just purchase Dark Resurrection for PSP, natch.

Hold on, I've got a couple more Capcom notes. Download Super Puzzle Fighter II Turbo, a Puyo Pop-esque head-to-head puzzler, and if you're a Blue Bomber fan, snag the wacky Mega Man 2: The Power Fighters. Okay, we're almost done. Get a good CPS2 shooter, Progear or Mars Matrix. They both make Galaga look like a cave painting.

Due to the constraints of keyboard controls, I would pass on most racing games for your collection, although the relatively simple and memorable Super Off Road can be a nice addition. Ignore the Cruis'n and Ridge games, though, unless you already have the appropriate analog controls.

In summation, if I had to narrow these down to ten, this is the rundown of the must-haves:

1. Namco Classics Collection Volume 2
2. X-Men: The Arcade Game
3. Super Street Fighter II Turbo
4. Street Figher Alpha 3
5. X-Men vs. Street Fighter
6. Marvel Super Heroes vs. Street Fighter
7. Marvel vs. Capcom
8. Super Puzzle Fighter II Turbo
9. Mars Matrix: Hyper Solid Shooting
10. Super Off Road

I personally play the three Marvel Vs. games and Puzzle Fighter more than any of the others. Just like at an arcade where you play a game and then move on to the next, they are a lot of fun in short bursts.

Does this make anybody else miss the golden age of arcades as much as me? Unfortunately, powerful home consoles have all but killed traditional arcade games, allowing rail shooters and rhythm games to flourish. But thanks to MAME, these games will never be gone for good.

Twilight Princess: First Impressions

(Or, Here There Be Spoilers)

I think when people complain about the graphics of Twilight Princess, their disappointment stems from the fact that it looks like a Gamecube title, when people were expecting something a little more "next gen." However, the fact remains that TP is a GCN title---so it should come as no surprise that it looks like one. The lighting engine may have been upgraded a little bit (the water graphics, as Killa mentioned, are very nicely done), but this is essentially a GCN title that has been modified slightly for the Wii. Moreover, the modifications are primarily to do with the control scheme, not so much with the graphics (although 16 x 9 aspect ratio has been implemented for the Wii, and the maps have all been mirrored so that Link could use his right hand).

I have to disagree with Killa about the gameplay. Complicated button-pushing methodology is not second nature to me. E.g., when I played Vice City, my Tommy Vercetti walked to get where he was going---because it was just easier and less cause for anxiety than stealing a car ("Mmm, two stars; better turn myself in!"). I'm terrible at remembering sequences of buttons, especially when I perceive my character to be in danger. For me, being able to wildly shake both my Wiimote and nunchuck to attack makes perfect sense---it's the gesture I naturally make when I'm alarmed by something on the screen. I've discovered that if you target with Z and just shake your Wiimote in the general direction of the baddies, Link will handle the rest.

I mentioned above that the maps have been mirrored for the Wii version of LoZ:TP. As a Zelda purist, this is my biggest gripe so far with the game (admittedly, not a very significant gripe). Link has traditionally been a left-handed character, and so he was designed for the GCN TP as well. Early test groups, however, thought it was perplexing to swing the Wiimote with their right hand and cause Link to swing with his left hand, so, for the Wii version of TP, everything got mirrored so that Link would be right handed. I found this a little silly and unfair for those of us who are left handed---if it was so upsetting for right-handed people to play as a left-handed character, shouldn't there be an option to play either a left- or a right-handed Link so that lefties won't have to suffer?

One thing I can say with a certainty is that I like Midna. Killa had to leave before we encountered her so he has yet to experience the pure, unadultered joy that comes from this impish little creature. When she has something to tell you, she emits one little snicker from the speaker in your Wiimote and then she shuts up and waits for you to ask for her help. I think we will all agree that when you're trying to do something, that's much more agreeable than the alternative.

"HEY! LISTEN! HEY! LISTEN! HEY! LISTEN! HEY! LISTEN! HEY! HEY! HEY! There's a puddle here. LISTEN!!!"

Here Wii Go

Until Nintendo's Wii was born, I had never lost a fist fight to a girl. And now, my perfect record... is ruined.

It seems that Poptart's female intuition (+1 to INT, if I recall Sex Ed correctly) instilled within her the instinct to rise from a second knockdown in Wii Sports Boxing. In the several preceding rounds, such a "third wind" was unheard of. Needless to say, I was still engaged in my full body rotation dance of celebration when she finished me off with a quick one-two to my Mii's melon. It goes without saying that this has shifted the balance of power in our relationship. I see a great many backrubs in my near future.

I should say, that as close as my Mii is in appearance, it will take a few more generations of LCD technology before the true paleness of my complexion can be honestly conveyed. It may require radium to be embedded in the liquid crystals, I'm not sure. (Because, you know, nice TVs don't cost enough yet.)

With my prodding (read: fake crying), I was allowed to pop Twilight Princess's cherry. As one might expect, this requires a thrusting motion with the Wiimote. But since I was hanging out over at Cat's anyways, we delved into the beginning of LotZ:TP btw fyi ymmv. I will mention a few of my first impressions, as I didn't really sink my teeth into any labyrinthine sustenance to really guage TP's rank in the Zelda hierarchy.

First, graphically speaking, the game looks damn good. Just like I would expect a Cube version of Ocarina of Time to look like. Don't get me wrong, I liked the appearance of Wind Waker (yeah, swirling black smoke), but it was not in the same semi-realistic vein as Ocarina. A nice looking Cube game unfortunately draws some pretty steep competition, notably Resident Evil 4. I think Capcom 'broke the mold' on that one, but unsurmountable competition aside, TP looks very nice. Gorgeous water effects, for the wow.

Secondly, the controls are not that intuitive. They will take some getting used to. This isn't Wii Sports Baseball, okay? This is, after all, the Legend of Zelda. It was helpful that I recalled the traditional Deku Baba slaying method (Dodge its strike, jump attack, horizontal slash), but when I was swarmed with a number of enemies, it became a little disorienting to maneuver and attack. Often the safest bet was, when in doubt, to shake your nunchuk like a British nanny (i.e. use the spin attack). I'm sure by the time the Forest Temple boss is encountered, such rudimentary techniques will be second nature, but be forewarned, initially, you'll think that it would have been simpler on your old Wavebird.

I don't mean to be discouraging, of course. There is no way one can ignore that Twilight Princess will be legendary.

Interviewee: Nintendo Wii

(Or, Like Thor to a Flame)

At 12:01 A.M., husband and I became the proud owners of a spanking new Nintendo Wii. We got Wii Sports with the console and picked up Marvel Ultimate Alliance and Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess besides. Unfortunately, we weren't able to pick up a third Wiimote and nunchuck combo for Killa, who was working and couldn't join us for the midnight launch, as all the controller accessories were presold.

It is amazing how much fun we had with the Wii before we ever stuck a disc in it: Boot up and configure system; Make Mii; Make husband's Mii; Make an Angelina Jolie Mii, in case she wants to come over and play with our Wii; Download original Legend of Zelda from the Virtual Console; Six hours and four labyrinths later, finally try out Wii Sports.

Ultimate Alliance is good so far, but I've discovered that you can take Wii toolboxery to a whole new level by smashing the A button to attack instead of using the gesture controls that are the very birthright of the Wii. No amount of gesturing nor A-button-smashing, however, seems able to prevent Thor from stumbling into every apparent pile of burning rubbish we pass by. If there is a fire in Marvel Ultimate Alliance, it is a safe bet that Thor is going to walk into it and die. Swap him out for the Human Torch at your earliest convenience.

We have yet to deflower Twilight Princess, which is still in its cellophane wrapper, pristine, propped up on the dining room table so we can look at it while we eat. We aren't yet ready to end the admiration process and move to the next phase (i.e., actually playing the game).

Omg... Blogging from my cel. Teh future is now.

Ask the Experts

Q: In the case of Sagat's Tiger Blow, how does one uppercut hit seven times?

A: It's a motherfuckin' mystery.


Q: What is with all the translation errors in Konami's X-Men arcade game?

A: There are no translation errors. Magneto really is the Master of Magnet.


Q: In Tekken, what is the difference between the Wind God Fist and the Electric Wind God Fist?

A: It's electric; boogie woogie woogie woogie.